What I cannot control

My great aunt Pauline passed away last week - she was just shy of her 89th birthday. http://www.hamiltonsfuneralhome.com/services/services_detail.aspx?rid=11804

Pauline was a real gem - I really can't say enough about her. She was wise, she was kind, she was gentle and she was generous. Most of all, she loved her family more than anything.

And as sad as I was that she passed away, as the funeral drew nearer, my thoughts turned to my father. See, he cut me out of his life about 18 months ago. I have tried a few times to start conversations with him, to not much avail.

I believe that he knows this is wrong, but his pride won't allow him to admit that. I don't know that for sure, and I could be totally off in my thinking. But I do know this - I want my dad back. Not this person that he seems to be right now, but the person who told me, when I was a kid, that no matter what I did, he'd always love me and he'd always be there for me. No parent is perfect, and I never expected him to be. I just expected him to be my dad.

At Pauline's funeral, my aunts asked me to give the eulogy. Dad was not at that part of the service so I sent him a copy of it. He messaged me back and said it was exceptional, and that everyone said I did a good job. That compliment gave me a small bit of hope that maybe there's healing going on. I guess I can only just wait and see.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nBK9uIBpQKI

Begin.

I suppose all blogs have a beginning; here's mine.

I opt not to give a detailed description of who I am or why I'm here at this point. Chances are, if you've found this blog, it's because I've posted it somewhere and you already know me.

However, my hope is that someone who knows me, might know me a little bit better after reading this. But most of all, I hope to be able to figure out myself somewhere along the line. As much as John Mayer gets on my nerves, he did say one thing right: "I'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve."

I'm in the process of cutting off the dead branches. I seek to nurture those that are still living, and help keep them alive. I know, most of all, I can't do this myself - it's only the love of my Savior, Jesus Christ.

Much love, Jodee